I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
