I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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