if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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