I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
