I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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