We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
In America we eat man semen.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
