I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
