I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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