I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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