his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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