Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just forgot I was standing up.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
