Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
