Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
