Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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