you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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