The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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