I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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