i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
