you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
