My balls are so social today.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
