did you get engaged???
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
