Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize