So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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