you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
