I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
