That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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