He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
