i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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