Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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