as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
