Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
