I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize