Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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