I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize