you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We were destined to go to rehab together
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize