Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
