dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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