around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
