my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
