do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
