I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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