Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
