mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
