My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize