your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
