I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
