I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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