i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
