omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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