I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
