I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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