well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
