Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
