Only a mothe r could love this liver
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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