After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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