he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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