I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
