She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
