but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
