Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm like, not good at living.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He did a backflip because drugs
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
