Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
