so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
