First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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