pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
