There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
