I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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