I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
