dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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