: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
