***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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