There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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