everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize