6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize