I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
