OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
