yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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