1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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