I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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