You're my little dorito
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
